Jay Michaelson
Energy, p. 5

4.

I don't know what energy is, but I know it when I feel it. I've worked with the chakras, the sefirot, and a few other maps of energy lines, and I don't really know how important they are, though they do work to direct the mind, if nothing else. Energy can be blocked; it only flows to me when my own desires are quieted enough that I can actually open to what's going on outside of my head. If I'm rushing to finish something, or obsessed with how I'm getting screwed over at work, I don't notice anything outside, and I'm lucky to stay a witness to myself and not get lost in my own stories. But sometimes...

Since coming back, I've felt very different from July. I feel unattractive, unsexual; it's hard to believe I am the same person who played so much, just two months ago. And I think that shows. I think people can sense the lack of confidence, not just because it manifests itself in subtle, subconscious body language - but because we perceive energy, and non-confident energy is a turnoff.

At the same time, I feel comfortable in this lower-energy place. Tonight, after leaving a party at one of those typical Chelsea gay bars - after leaving alone, that is - I walked slowly back toward my company's office in a quiet sadness that is familiar and accepting. I would prefer not to be sad. But sadness, quietness - this is where I am right now. I see it as a gateway to equanimity. And besides, it is impermanent - between the writing and the editing of this article, it's already changed back and forth a few times.

Ultimately, if it is the case that 'energy' is not reducible to or articulable in rational terms, then "not knowing what energy is" is probably a step in the right direction. My feeling embrace of energy exists right alongside my rational skepticism of it -- only I am learning to quiet the rational, skeptical part and listen to the part that feels and perceives. Not because rationality is bad, just because I want the complete picture. As Hamlet said, "There is more to heaven and earth, Horatio, than is dreamt of in your philosophy."



[1]       [2]       [3]       [4]       5

Related articles:

What is Burning Man? Jay Michaelson
Why Black Rock City matters
September, 2003

The Queer Guy at the Strip Club Jay Michaelson
or, The Opposite of Sex
August, 2003

Meditation and Sensuality Jay Michaelson
Sex, drugs, and God in all
July, 2003

Constriction Jay Michaelson
Dick Cheney and the New Age
March, 2003

What the World is... Jay Michaelson
...and what to do about it
February, 2003

Quality of Life Jay Michaelson
What my grandmother's suffering teaches
January, 2003

Go as Far as Possible Jay Michaelson
Life beyond the idea of limits
December, 2002

Are we all asleep? Jay Michaelson
When life seems irresolvably absurd
November, 2002

The Ghost and the Machine Jay Michaelson
Why is it easier to see God in nature than in the city?
August, 2002

Loneliness and Faith Jay Michaelson
Being at one with Being
July, 2002

Skepticism Does Not Exist Jay Michaelson
With stories today about space aliens and the power of prayer, what are the limits of your enlightened skepticism?
March, 2002

Zeek
Zeek
November 2003


Surrender
Niles Goldstein



France and Antisemitism
Michael Shurkin



Energy
Jay Michaelson



No Pulp
Dan Friedman



re:vision
Raphael Cohen



Koby Israelite
Matthue Roth



Josh's Jewish Reminders
Josh Ring



Archive
Our 390 Back Pages


Saddies
David Stromberg



Zeek in Print
Fall issue now on sale



About Zeek

Events

Contact Us

Links