Respect vending machines,
Decent people don't wear stripes,
Extensive use of consonants is a virtue.

Never blink when making an important point,
When first meeting a person,
You must love them exactly half as much as they love you.

Never sleep before AND after a meal,
If you are going to tell lies, you must be standing,
Don't recline in small rooms,
Honor your landlord or landlady every March 1.

Reasonable people only sleep with others from cities on or near the same latitudinal line as themselves.

Poems should not contain the word "strobe,"
Songs should not contain the word "half,"
Books should not contain any words found in the dictionary between "derelict" and "derriere,"
Don't smoke under trees.

Never give advice to anyone whose age is an odd number,
Don't send short-stemmed flowers,
Ambitious women don't say "autumn," "rust," or "stolen;" they do say "rum,"
Always trust actors who play supporting roles.