Because I have ceased to care about music, and therefore, I have ceased to care about anything. Sure, I like a couple of CDs and I listen to 'em sometimes but I'm not going to try to impress you with what's in my stereo. So let me then, before the depression lifts and music seems to matter again, issue some long-overdue apologies:
First, and foremost, I really like TLC's "No Scrubs" and
"Unpretty", and, in light of the recent tragedy, I would like to apologize
to Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes for hiding my copy of FanMail from my music-snob
housemates. I wasn't being fair.
Similarly, Ms. Judy Collins - I'm sorry that I never tell people that
sometimes I really need to listen to you.
And, No Doubt - I'm sorry that when I expressed my admiration for your new
song "Hella Good," I felt the need to preface my remarks with, "I normally
don't like that crap, but " I'm really sorry. I like the song. That's all
I needed to say.
Similarly, I'd like to apologize to Bob Marley for so many years of lies.
Bob, babe, I really dislike your stuff. It just doesn't do it for me. And
I'm not going to hide that anymore.
Because, as I may have said, I really just don't care if it's cool or not. Because if Britney were "cool" and Momus were "popular," would all those Momus fans be upset if his mug were plastered all over Times Square? If N-SYNC were all indie and Cat Power were Top 40, would you proudly go to an arena to see Chan Marshall or to Maxwell's to see Justin Timberlake? If M2 starts playing Tenacious D's new video and Pink starts proving herself at 20-seat crack dens on the wrong side of the tracks, will the world explode? Or will we all realize all that matters is whether we like a song or not?
Top 40? Please. It's all about mp3s anyway. TRL? Fuck it - there are 14 different music video channels available on digital cable. Rolling Stone? It's fun, but when was the last time you bought an album based on a reviewers' praise? Nothing matters anymore in our global village except finding whatever joy you can wring out of your miserable existence. And today, my portion of joy comes from Alanis Morrisette and partly from Cher's new song. And as for what these admissions do to my street-cred? Frankly, I don't care. That's how music people get when we get this way we forget the bullshit about cool and not cool, and just listen to what makes us feel a little bit better. Everyone has possibly bad, but surely important, comfort songs that are conducive to wallowing -- "Circle," by Edie Brickell, or "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler, or "Boys of Summer" by Don Henley, all songs I'd probably never admit to liking. But these songs do make me feel a teensy bit better. Music makes you feel, whether it makes you sad or happy or horny or angry, so if a song can penetrate even the deepest depression, it must be pretty good. That's how you can best tell good music from bad after all, isn't it? Not that I care.
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How Weird Al changed my life, and Randy Newman changed the world.
April, 2002
Mariah Carey? Bleagh! Where's the next Country Joe & the Fish to protest
the 'New War'?
March, 2002
Why are rock stars irresistibly attractive, even if they're pale and
pimply?
February, 2002
I need the rock. But GOD I love Elton John.
January, 2002
Two related theories about Bob Dylan, or, a review of his November 19,
2001 show, in which divine revelation plays a significant role.
December, 2001
November, 2001
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